Phase 3, Day 56: Booty (aka What the F is Autumn Wearing)

Some workouts get overshadowed by Autumn’s workout gear.

Usually it’s because the cut of a particular sports bra shows off her incredible…assets.

Today, however, it’s because she’s wearing these hideous pink wallpaper print workout pants. Seriously, if pink wallpaper and an Italian gangster had a baby, it would be these pants. They look like plastic. They look hot and uncomfortable and are incredibly shiny, so you can’t help but stare.

Perhaps Autumn wore the pants as a distraction to keep you from focusing on the fact you won’t be able to feel your butt after this workout.

Here’s what you have in store for you: Three series of three exercises each. In Week 1, you do all the exercises in a row for 15 reps each, then go back through and do them all in a row again.

SERIES 1: Side squat hop hold, kneeling lateral crawl to half surrender, single-leg hamstring slide.

SERIES 2: Single-leg runner’s jump w/weight, single-leg hinge, slider reverse pulse lunge.

SERIES 3: Narrow squat rock, front lunge side lunge, side lunge to curtsy.

FAVE MOVE: Single-leg hinge (a nice little break from what comes before and after).

LEAST FAVE MOVE: Front lunge side lunge (THEY TAKE FOREVER).

The first exercise in each series is some sort of jumping move, though in series three, the narrow squat rock has you only going up on to your toes instead of leaving the ground. I would say the second exercise in each series is the worst, but the single-leg hinge really isn’t that bad. The third move is on sliders, and they hurt like hell but are done pretty quick.

The two moves you will be dreading this workout are the kneeling lateral crawl to half surrender and front lunge/side lunge.

PRO TIP: When doing the kneeling lateral crawl to half surrender, use a mat and make sure you’re stepping ON to the mat, not forward.

Previously, I never did this move successfully without the loops rolling all the way up my thighs after the second rep. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, until today, when I noticed I was stepping too far forward when I stood up in a half surrender. That is, if you watch Autumn, you’ll notice she starts kneeling on a mat, and when she stands up, her feet end up directly under her still ON the mat. Whereas when I was attempting the move, I was stepping OFF the mat, and the forward movement would cause the loops to roll. When I focused on keeping my feet under me, my loops halted their crawl up my legs and my frustration ceased. Learn from my mistakes and get the technique right the first time through.

That said, no amount of technique can save you from the burning drudgery that is front lunge/side lunge. The move is exactly what it sounds like. Front lunge:

Front Lunge
Lighting is terrible but my form is good!

Then side lunge:

Side Lunge
Light still sucks. #sorrynotsorry

The issue with this exercise is ONE rep is front lunge, then side lunge. That’s ONE. And you do 15 reps in Week 1. Which means each leg essentially does 30 lunges; in Round 1 alone, you have to plow through 60 lunges total. It takes FOREVER.

But at least you have Autumn’s pants to look at, and can be thankful you didn’t make that fashion choice.

That’s all I got. I have to go figure out a new meal plan now BECAUSE I CAN’T HAVE EGGS.

Get some sleep! Link to the usual stuff.

1 thought on “Phase 3, Day 56: Booty (aka What the F is Autumn Wearing)”

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