There will be no pictures to commemorate today’s workout.
Today, for whatever reason, I woke up nauseous. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that I am still eating protein I schlepped around the State in a poorly ventilated cooler over the weekend. I can’t know for sure. All I know is that my stomach was roiling when I woke up this morning, and for the first time in awhile, I seriously contemplated not eating my pre-workout meal because I wasn’t sure I would be able to keep it down.
But I powered through and made myself eat, if only to ensure I would have fuel for today’s workout.
Today’s vomit-worthy workout.
Logistics first: The rep scheme changes to two sets of 15 reps, where you do each series at a time. It helps the workout fly by, but also ensures you will be choking down your own vomit, of which there will be a LOT of talk today.
I kid you not, Autumn and the cast make a vomit reference probably every five minutes in this workout. It’s not that the workout is intense. It absolutely is. It’s more so that today the only person who listens to Autumn when choosing weights is Autumn (including me). Which leads naturally to my first pro tip of the day:
PRO TIP #444: GO BACK TO MEDIUM WEIGHTS OR YOU WILL PROBABLY THROW UP.
Despite this pro tip, and despite Autumn extolling the necessity of lifting lighter weights, you are going to come into this workout thinking, “it’s the second to last week! I gotta make it count! I am feeling super strong so I might as well try and lift what I was lifting last week, or something only a little lighter.”
What you don’t realize, however, is that today’s rep scheme is built more like a cardio workout than a weight workout, which means your heart rate gets up real high, real fast. Add to this the fact that you spend a lot of time in positions where you are sort of leaned over, crushing your stomach (be it in a lunge or a squat), and you’ve got the perfect storm for vomit.
What I learned today is pretty much every move in today’s workout can be vomit-inducing. I didn’t actually throw up, but only because I had to actively tell my body not to. From the stupid squat sideways slider walk things to the goblet squat, it seemed as though EVERY move was about to trigger projectile vomiting. In fact, it seemed like EVERY move was PERFECTLY engineered to trigger projectile vomiting. Like, that was its purpose, to make you lose extra weight in this last week by ensuring you leave the contents of your stomach on the floor of the weight room.
I didn’t throw up today, but to be honest, I wonder if I would now be feeling better if I had let myself. If I had let my system purge whatever is bugging it today, I would probably not be worried about feeling this way in tomorrow’s workout.
At least I already have a strategy planned out for how to deal with any potential upchuck: First, note the locations of the garbage cans positioned throughout the room in case I have to make a run for it. Second, if my route to a vomitorium is somehow blocked, throw up in my towel and then just dump the whole mess in the trash after a leisurely stroll across the room in front of bewildered weight-goers.
All of this said, I do have to add that I had a great workout with the heavier weight. You probably will too, even if you ignore Autumn’s sage advice.
Just know that if you do, don’t be startled if your breakfast tries to make a surprise appearance during sumo cross jumps.
That’s all for now. My stomach is still in turmoil and has been all day. I’m low on sleep so I’m off to see if I can’t chase this thing off with a few Zzzzz’s.
Link to the usual Beachbody stuff.
May your Will today be strong and your stomach stronger.